you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
