Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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