do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
