so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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