i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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