Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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