My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
