turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
