but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
