My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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