I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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