so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
