I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
