it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
