It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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