Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
