my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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