Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
