Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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