do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
