drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
