dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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