Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
