dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Randomize