her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
