Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
false alarm, still single
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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