You're a womanizer and a bitch.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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