You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
