does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
