Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize