i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
