Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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