it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
