You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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