Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize