I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
