I am puke
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
