As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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