proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
