OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
