we made out on top of his cat.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
