i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize