I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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