there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize