You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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