I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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