Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Dicks are not precious.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
