dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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