Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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