i just had sex bonerless
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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