Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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