I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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