It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
