I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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