My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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