My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I deserve this hangover.
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