I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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