oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
