He kissed a someone with a penis
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize