Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
