I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
